A Word from Pastor Donna: On Grief
Christmas is usually a season of great joy and light, but this year it may feel more like a season of great darkness and shadows. So many things can make this season hard–death, illness, job loss, financial difficulties, broken family relationships, chronic pain to name a few. 2020 has added even more—the coronavirus pandemic, election angst, systemic racism, and the list goes on! It’s no wonder you may be feeling sad, depressed, and overwhelmed at the thought of celebration. Perhaps you feel like Elvis Presley sang, “I’ll have a blue, blue, blue, blue Christmas.”
Please know you are not alone in your feelings. You are experiencing grief which is a natural reaction to any kind of loss and change; and all the things I named above bring major change and loss. Your feelings of sadness and depression and heaviness are normal and there is no need to apologize or pretend they aren’t there. If you are depressed, sad, or angry this Christmas, allow yourself to feel those things. Josephine Robertson, an Episcopal priest, says, “Ditch the guilt. You aren’t required to feel a certain way just because there are twinkle lights everywhere. Here’s the lie we tell ourselves about grief: you don’t ‘go back to normal’ after a loss. You find a new normal, but that new normal includes an empty place where someone or something important once was. Give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel without judgement.”
I’d like to share some actions you can take that may help as you live in your new normal this Christmas.
Take care of yourself. Be extremely gentle and kind to yourself. Set boundaries for yourself. If you don’t feel like going to a party, don’t go. It is ok to not do all the typical traditions you have done every other year.
Start new traditions. Light a memorial candle at your holiday table to honor the light of the loved one you have lost. Shop for gifts you may have purchased for your loved one and donate them to a homeless shelter or charity.
Be creative in celebrating with others during the pandemic. Enjoy a family conversation together on Zoom. Have Santa show up at your house on zoom. Make Christmas dinner together on zoom. Hold a virtual Christmas party.
Connect with others. Reach out to someone you know who has suffered a loss—send them a card or give them a call. Create a list of emotional support people in your life—people you know you can call at any time and express your feelings—people who have your back!
Remember that God loves you and is with you. Consider attending the Blue Christmas service on 12/1at 6:30 pm on our livestream. This is a time of quiet reflection and remembrance and includes Scriptures, contemplative music, silence, candlelighting, and prayers.